Pope Easier Rhino I[edit]

is no longer infected.
carries shoes around with him when he feels lonely.
violates several municipal zoning ordinances regularly by removing his hat.
can leap tall buildings in a single bound, but only if those tall buildings ask nicely.
permanently tattooed "Kick me" in the back of his math teacher's spleen.
temporarily tattooed "Don't kick me" in the front.
hurls cows for fun.
makes pronouncements that later on come to pass.
makes other pronouncements that don't.
isn't one to be messed around with.
is one to be messed about with.
makes lists in his spare time.

A Brief Biography[edit]

Easier Rhino grew up in a small town in the west of the East Coast, where he learned to play Bocce at an early age to fool people into thinking he was a professional bowler. He left his home to go to the seminary, and after he flunked out he was given his papal vestments, a faceful of mud and gluten, and a sharp blow to the head. Vatican City officials deny his existence, but that just makes him mad. And not mad as in angry.

A Brief Technical Schematic[edit]

Pope Easier Rhino I contains all the assorted parts a human should contain plus several organs that have yet to be explored. Proceeding from the mouth, one can continue down into the stomach and then out into the left trouser pocket, where one might find loose change or lint. The ears are especially atuned to heresy, and the eyes are ever watchful for sinners. But as the brain, the control center of the whole outfit, doesn't know what either heresy or sinners are, the hands are usually waving about wildly in an attempt to orient the body, which is removed for maintenance purposes every night.