User:JRM/Notes

These are personal notes to articles; personal in the sense that they wouldn't belong on the talk page. Most of this is tongue-in-cheek and just plain useless, but you might find something cute if you're bored.

Auferstanden aus Ruinen

This is definitely one of my favorite national anthems. It's a shame it's a national anthem no longer. Don't get me wrong, the Deutschlandlied is good as well, but primarily for its melody; the lyrics are quite disjoint (and that's without considering the outdatedness, which many anthems necessarily suffer from). "Auferstanden" is both lyrically and musically splendid. It's noteworthy that the lyrics to "Auferstanden" were written to the tune of the Deutschlandlied... I think its own score fits the lyrics better than the happy-go-lucky tune of the big D.

While we're on the subject, if the Australians had any balls, they'd pick Waltzing Matilda as their official anthem, not that pompous balderdash Advance Australia Fair. Honestly, which one better exemplifies the Australian spirit?

Oh, and lest I forget: the Dutch national anthem's lyrics are a historian's delight and a modern singer's nightmare, the score was appropriately "borrowed" from somewhere else and the whole thing is rather half-baked. We're still leagues ahead of what the French ended up with, of course, but that's not saying much.

COBOL

Excerpt from the best-selling First Edition of "The CABOL Programming Language", chapter 1 "Why C Can't Hold A Candle To CABOL":

---

Consider this classical example:

while (*a) *a++ = *b++;

This is, of course, most unclear. Enter CABOL with its crystal-clear approach to syntax:

AS LONG AS `A' DEREFERENCED IS NOT NULL PERFORM THIS:
     SET `A' DEREFERENCED BEFORE INCREASING `A' TO THE VALUE OF `B'
     DEREFERENCED BEFORE INCREASING `B'.

Or a true gem of algorithms, the binary search: I don't think this is right. "key" is not used at all

int binary_search(int* c, size_t s, int key) {
    int left = 0, right = s - 1;
    while (left + 1 != right) {
        int h = (left + right) / 2;
        if (c[left] <= c[right]) left = h;
        else right = h;
    }
    if (left < s) return c[left];
    else return -1;
}

Its beauty is buried under the obfuscation of C. Not so CABOL:

LET `BINARY-SEARCH' BE A FUNCTION THAT TAKES THREE ARGUMENTS (THE FIRST IS
A POINTER TO AN INTEGER CALLED `C', THE SECOND A SIZE-T CALLED `S' AND THE
THIRD AN INTEGER CALLED `KEY'), RETURNS AN INTEGER AND DOES THIS:
    LET `LEFT' BE AN INTEGER WITH AN INITIAL VALUE EQUAL TO ZERO.
    LET `RIGHT' BE AN INTEGER WITH AN INITIAL VALUE EQUAL TO ONE SUBTRACTED
    FROM `S'.
    AS LONG AS ONE ADDED TO `LEFT' DOES NOT EQUAL `RIGHT' PERFORM THIS:
        LET `H' BE AN INTEGER WITH AN INITIAL VALUE EQUAL TO (`RIGHT' ADDED
        TO `LEFT') DIVIDED BY TWO.
        IF THE VALUE OF THE ELEMENT OF THE ARRAY `C' AT POSITION `LEFT' IS
        AT MOST THE VALUE OF THE ELEMENT OF THE ARRAY `C' AT POSITION
        `RIGHT' THEN DO THIS:
            SET `LEFT' EQUAL TO `H';
        OTHERWISE DO THIS:
            SET `RIGHT' EQUAL TO `H'.
    IF `LEFT' IS SMALLER THAN `S', EXIT FROM THIS FUNCTION RETURNING THE
    ELEMENT OF THE ARRAY `C' AT POSITION `LEFT';
    OTHERWISE EXIT FROM THIS FUNCTION RETURNING MINUS ONE.

Finally, a complete program:

int main() {
    printf("Hello, world!\n");
    return 0;
}

The very nature of C prohibits a clear understanding - no wonder people spend years mastering it! Why, when the equivalent CABOL code proves that anyone can program a computer:

LET `MAIN' BE A FUNCTION THAT TAKES NO ARGUMENTS, RETURNS AN INTEGER AND
DOES THIS:
    CALL THE FUNCTION CALLED `PRINTF' WITH AN ARGUMENT THAT IS A CHARACTER
    STRING CONSISTING OF "Hello, world!" FOLLOWED BY A NEWLINE.
    EXIT FROM THIS FUNCTION RETURNING ZERO.

Colorless green ideas sleep furiously

The green parties presented their listless plans for reform at the last assembly, but even these bland attempts at self-assertion were shot down and refused vote by the coalition, to much chagrin. Colorless green ideas sleep furiously, at least for now.

Discordianism

Discordian Quiz No. 4539-42599-23 (Entry Level 5 Enlightenment Assessment)

1. Pick one: Discordianism is

1. A joke.
2. A religion.
3. A joke religion.
4. A religion joke.
5. A joke disguised as religion.
6. A religion disguised as a joke.
7. A joke disguised as a religion disguised as a joke.
8. A religion disguised as a joke disguised as a religion.
9. All of the above.
10. None of the above.
11. Some of the above.
12.  
13. Yes.

2. There is a fnord after answer 12. Why didn't you see it?

4. No peeking, now. What will be the number of the next question?

11. If you answered "11", why are you cheating? If you didn't, can you think of reasons why you fucked up so badly?

This is the end of the test.

12. Who was the 16th president of the United States?

13. This isn't a question.

14. What is the meaning of life?

Grading:

Failing to answer any question gets you an F, except for failing to answer 13 (which gets you an F-). The rest is left to your discretion, though you are advised against giving yourself an A. This is unimaginative and proves that you do not deserve an A. Of course if you do give yourself anything else but an A, you get extra credit. Unless this would get you an A.

Oh, and you know Wikipedia knows, don't you? The 16th President of the United States was Abraham Lincoln.

Exploding Wales

Yes, I did it. It was me. I'm sorry, OK? I'm very sorry. I promise to never do it again this obviously. When I saw exploding whales, it just sort of screamed at me. It wasn't even a particularly good hoax... Not half as good as some of the others I've done. Errr, wait, I mean...

On a positive note, the article was quickly picked up by (at that time) newcomer User:Hoary, who did a by-the-book VfD listing, and got awarded one of the (then brand-spanking new) Exceptional Newcomer awards. I'm very pleased to have collaborated in this community effort. :-)

Foreskin

From this article's discussion page, regarding a revert tug-of-war: "[...] The seeds of compromise need to be watered and nurtured, not fried in hot oil for an afternoon snack!" — Ardonik. I love the images this evokes. Is there a Wikiquote section for Wikipedians yet? :-)

Gay Nigger Association of America

How it is that bad taste supports freedom of speech, I'll never know — but I can't deny that it does. After four (!) votes for deletion, I got my first chance at a say during the fifth deletion round, and I voted Keep. And that's not because I think the GNAA is so hot, but because I haven't seen any plausible arguments for deletion in the existing debates, and I think it would set a bad precedent if it were deleted on the merits of those arguments.

"Not notable" — I'm an inclusionist. "Not encyclopedic" — convenient catch-all for when you have no specific point to make. "Vanity" — vanity pages should be so lucky as to be as NPOV as the GNAA members (among others) keep it. "Offensive" — being gay is offensive to many, doesn't prevent us from having an NPOV article; the word "nigger" is offensive to many, doesn't prevent us from having an NPOV article... See the pattern? (Admittedly, I have yet to come across people who think associations are offensive... But I have heard of people who think that of America.)

It's also pretty ironic that the article is now notable by virtue of its exploits on Wikipedia alone — at least to Wikipedia.

George Woshingtin

I cannot tell a lie: I laughed my butt off when I first read about this ill-fated redirect (the full story here). What's next? Woshingtin Crassen the Delewhere?

Godwin's Law

Meerten's Metatheorem: As discussions on online discussions grow longer, the probability of someone proposing a variation on Godwin's Law approaches one.

Here

Yes, I've been editing here (groan). Like self-reference, this seems to be one of those articles where people can't resist slipping in jokes — or "whimsical edits", as they're preferrably called. But no matter how funny or insightful you think an idea is, being funny or insightful does not qualify something for being part of an encyclopedia. Yes, if you can be funny and encyclopedic (like extreme ironing for example) I say go for it. But otherwise complaining that Wikipedia has no sense of humor is missing the point: since when do encyclopedias benefit from having a sense of humor? One person's joke is another's serious topic. That way leads POV, and that's no laughing matter. Fnord.

List of national flags

Lots of flags have only red, white and blue as their colors, giving new meaning to the phrase. See /List of national flags in red, white and blue for the complete list.

Palladium operating system

Heute dein Computer, morgen das Sonnensystem! (See Bavarian Illuminati).

The Sandman (DC Comics Modern Age)

Top 10 Signs You've Been Reading Sandman Too Much

10. You can rattle off every name and title used for Dream...
9. ...and the titles of the issues...
8. ...and the title of every literary work the comics refer to.
7. You've tried to approximate Dream's appearance with a curtain, a gas mask and a rubber hose...
6. ...and actually thought you looked pretty good.
5. When you go to sleep, you secretly hope you'll meet Dream.
4. You're scouring music shops for Foxglove records.
3. You have the hots for Death...
2. ...and don't feel the least bit disturbed about this.

And the number one sign you've been reading Sandman too much:

1. You're secretly practicing the summoning ritual yourself.

Death (Sandman)

While we're on the topic: it occurs to me that Dream gets a lot of names and titles in the comics (Prince of Stories, Dreamlord, Shaper, Monarch of the Sleeping Marches, etc. etc.) — well, he is the main character, of course. What about Death? She should have titles matching her personality — mainly bright and cheery, and quite lighthearted. With that in mind, here's a little list I've come up with:

• She For Whom Buckets Are Kicked
• Lady of The Bought Farms
• Supervisor of the Snuffing
• Delighter of Worms
• Mother of Maggots
• Damsel of Decay
• Queen of the Scythe Unseen
• Watcher of the Winding Clock
• Our Lady Bottommost of the Hourglass
• Guardian on the Edge of the Last Tomorrow

Feel free to add more...

Sollog

A notable kook who unfortunately got wind of Wikipedia. The ensuing storm of vandalism of both the page and its deletion nomination culminated in four telephone calls by him (and his alleged followers) to Jimbo Wales, demanding that the article be unprotected, as well as personal attacks on his family. But even as the excrement hit the fan, the spirit of Wikipedia showed remarkable courage under fire. To my knowledge, Wikipedia is the only resource in the world where one can obtain factual, neutral information on Sollog. As small a victory as that may be—it's still a victory. We are bigger than all the kooks, cranks, whackjobs, hatemongers and vandals combined, and that's something to be proud of.

Split infinitive

Here's my contribution to the split infinitive discussion:

To just know love I cannot live with
To know love just, just to just know love
To just know love is to not know it at all, but
To know just love, now that I might live on
To know just love now, that I might live on

Perhaps it'd be more romantic if it wasn't so hard to parse.

Weblog

Weblogs are the best of both worlds. They combine the content quality of Usenet with the coherence of the World Wide Web.