Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die

Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die
Original film poster
Directed by	Henry Levin
Screenplay by	Jack Pulman Dino Maiuri
Story by	Dino Maiuri
Produced by	Dino De Laurentiis
Starring	Mike Connors Dorothy Provine Raf Vallone Margaret Lee Nicoletta Machiavelli Beverly Adams Terry-Thomas
Cinematography	Aldo Tonti
Edited by	Ralph Kemplen Alberto Gallitti
Music by	Mario Nascimbene
Production company	Dino de Laurentiis Cinematografica
Distributed by	Columbia Pictures
Release date	September 8, 1966
Running time	106 minutes
Countries	Italy United States
Language	English

Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die (Italian: Se tutte le donne del mondo... (Operazione Paradiso)) is a James Bond spoof film released in 1966 as an Italian-American co-production between Dino De Laurentiis' Cinematografica and Columbia Pictures. Directed by Henry Levin, with stars Mike Connors, Dorothy Provine, and as the villain, Raf Vallone, it was originally filmed from January to March 1966 under the title Operation Paradise and distributed in some parts of the English-speaking world as If All the Women in the World.

Plot

Eccentric English adventurer Lord Aldric (Terry-Thomas) is exploring the Brazilian jungle, when he comes across a village where the men appear completely disinterested in sexual activity, and where there are no small children. Aldric makes notes in his diary, only to be shot and left for dead, while the diary goes missing.

In Rio de Janeiro, Kelly (Mike Connors) observes Sylvia (Nicoletta Machiavelli) and a young man through binoculars as they are approached and questioned by Omar (Sandro Dori). Suddenly, a suspicious group of men close in on him, and he takes refuge inside the statue of Christ the Redeemer where he is followed by the sinister Ringo (Oliver McGreevy). Kelly climbs out through a hatch in the top of Jesus' head, and is carried to safety by a helicopter piloted by his colleague Davis (George Leech). Ringo reports back to his boss Ardonian (Raf Vallone), who is frustrated both by Ringo's failure to kill Kelly and the continuing absence of Lord Aldric's notebook.

We next see Kelly following Ringo and Omar, as they prepare to kill Grace (Margaret Lee) using scorpions concealed in a bowl of orchids. Kelly arrives in time to save her, and facilitate her escape. When one of Ardonian's henchmen tries to kill him, Kelly shoots him dead. It becomes clear that Ardonian is 'collecting' a group of beautiful young women, who have lavish gifts bestowed on them, on condition that they remain faithful to him. If any break this vow - as Sylvia has done - then he has them killed, usually by Omar whose preferred methods of assassination involve scorpions or snakes.

The latest object of Ardonian's affections is Susan (Dorothy Provine), an aristocratic Englishwoman, who is usually accompanied by her chauffeur James (Terry-Thomas). When Susan and Ardonian go on an excursion out of Rio, Kelly follows them but he is captured by Ardonian's henchmen, and imprisoned on his yacht. Ardonian meets with some senior Chinese officials, who agree to give him a satellite that will carry a machine designed to eliminate the sex drive of the entire population of North America using radioactive impulse waves produced from a rare form of cobalt. Meanwhile, Kelly escapes from the yacht and returns to Rio.

The British ambassador in Rio has arranged a reception for Lord Aldric, but one of the explorer's bearers arrives at the party with the news that Aldric is dead. The bearer also hands over Aldric's notebook, but Ardonian observes what has happened, allowing Ringo to murder the bearer and obtain the notebook, which he gives to Ardonian. Kelly manages to remove the notebook from Ardonian's pocket, plants it on Susan, and then leaves the party disguised as a papal legate. Davis sends a group of thugs to follow Susan and retrieve the notebook, but James overpowers them and destroys their car.

Kelly goes to Susan's villa in search of the notebook, but she is waiting for him, and we discover that she is an agent of British Intelligence while he works for the CIA. There is obvious chemistry between them, but Susan wants to keep their relationship businesslike, so they merely exchange information and agree to cooperate. Susan has a lunch date with Ardonian on the following day, and Kelly and James wait outside in case of trouble. In the meantime, Ardonian has realised that Susan is an agent and Omar sets a false trail using her tracking device, which leads Kelly to the murder scene of another unfaithful woman. Ringo threatens him with a gun, but James wounds Ringo and rescues Kelly, and they return in time to rejoin Susan, who has also escaped.

Kelly and Susan travel to the interior and find the village described in Aldric's notebook. Using his knowledge of Amerindian languages, James speaks to a villager, finding out that the men of the village have experienced no sexual desire for the previous four years, and Susan realises that the villagers are part of an experiment connected to Ardonian's project. She is then abducted by Ringo, and taken away in a helicopter, but not before James has attached a homing device. James drives his Rolls Royce at high speed through the dense jungle, until he and Kelly reach the site of Ardonian's secret underground lair.

Kelly sneaks into the base, where a rocket carrying Ardonian's satellite is ready to launch. He is disarmed by a guard, but manages to get a message to James requesting reinforcements. The Chinese officials are murdered by Ardonian, who reveals that he wants to make the entire world infertile in order to solve the problem of overpopulation. Protected from the desexing radioactive impulses in his laboratory, Ardonian will be the only man on earth interested in sex, and he will use his 'collection' of women (currently preserved in a state of suspended animation) to populate the world exclusively with his descendants. Susan watches in horror as a final woman, the Chinese interpreter Ms Soong (Seyna Seyn), is added to the collection.

As Ardonian's henchmen prepare to place Susan in suspended animation she overpowers them using a bubble machine, and runs away, closely followed by Omar. Kelly sees the chase and throws a banana skin in Omar's way, causing him to slip and electrocute himself. Susan is recaptured by Ringo, and placed in the rocket which is about to be launched. As the countdown reaches zero, Kelly confronts Ardonian, and prevents him from pushing the manually controlled launch button. The two struggle and Ardonian falls into the machine designed for Susan and he is placed in suspended animation instead.

The base is now being overrun by the soldiers summoned by James and, in his relief, Kelly sits on the desk, accidentally launching the rocket. As he emerges from the base in a panic, he finds that Susan has freed herself from the rocket, and that James has found away to negate the effects of the sex ray. Kelly and Susan embrace, and agree to get married as soon as possible.

Cast

• Mike Connors as Kelly
• Dorothy Provine as Susan Fleming
• Raf Vallone as Mr. Ardonian
• Margaret Lee as Grace
• Nicoletta Machiavelli as Sylvia
• Beverly Adams as Karin
• Marilù Tolo as Gioia
• Seyna Seyn as Wilma Soong
• Oliver McGreevy as Ringo
• Sandro Dori as Omar
• Jack Gwillim as British ambassador
• Andy Ho as Ling
• Renato Terra
• George Leech
• Hans Thorner as Kruger
• Nerio Bernardi as Papal envoy
• Roland Bartrop
• Michael Audley as Major Davis
• Edith Peters as Maria
• Terry-Thomas as Lord Aldric / James

Music credits

• Music and special musical effects by Mario Nascimbene
• Conducted by Roberto Pregadio
• Harmonica soloist John Sebastian
• The song "Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die"

is sung by Lydia MacDonald

Lyrics by Howard Greenfield

Background

An example of the mod Eurospy form, then at the height of its popularity, Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die reflected that genre's formula of exaggerated semicomic action filmed in colorful locales around the world (Rio de Janeiro in this case), frequently using average-reputation American directors (Henry Levin subsequently directed two Matt Helm films) and American leads best known for starring in television shows and appearing in occasional films. As far as the casting for this production was concerned, Michael Connors had earlier been the star of a 1959–60 crime series, Tightrope!, and the following year, after streamlining his stage name to "Mike Connors", starred as the long-running private eye, Mannix (1967–75), while Dorothy Provine was one of the stars in The Alaskans (1959–60) and The Roaring 20's (1960–62). Two years earlier, Provine and Connors played key supporting roles as second leads in the 1964 Jack Lemmon–Romy Schneider comedy vehicle Good Neighbor Sam. All the other Kiss the Girls cast members were primarily recognizable as regular players in European films, including co-stars Raf Vallone, Margaret Lee, and comedy relief Terry-Thomas, who was given a special "and" billing at the end of the actors' credits.

This film was rushed into release by Columbia Pictures to avoid colliding with their better-known James Bond satire, Casino Royale. The plot of Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die is similar to the James Bond film Moonraker, which was released 13 years later.

Production

Michael Connors recalled that Columbia Pictures gave him the lead after he had been a strong contender for the role of Matt Helm that Dean Martin played. Connors said that Dorothy Provine was whisked to Rome for a week, returning in a glamorous makeover. While Connors portrayed a Sean Connery-type American superspy, Dorothy Provine played her role with an upper-class British accent similar to Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward of the Thunderbirds TV series. Her character rode a gadget-filled Rolls-Royce driven by an Aloysius Parker-type chauffeur played by Terry-Thomas. The movie was filmed on location in Rio de Janeiro and Rome with Dino De Laurentiis spending a lot of money on production.

Connors also recalled that he did the stuntwork of dangling from a rope ladder attached to a helicopter flying off the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio when the local stuntman refused to do it. Connors said that they were the only film company ever granted permission to film at the landmark.

Reception

A review of the film (bylined "Murf.") in the January 11, 1967 issue of Variety stated, "Undoubtedly, there will be some people who will enjoy "Kiss the Girls And Make Them Die," but fact is that producer Dino De Laurentiis has made a limp, banal spy spoof, inept in all departments. Pace is plodding, dialog pallid, direction pedestrian, acting an embarrassment, and technical composition awkward."

In film guides

Leonard Maltin's Movie Guide (2014 edition) gives Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die its lowest rating, BOMB, describing it as a "[D]ull spy spoof" and commenting that "a satellite capable of sterilizing the world" is "something Bond, Flint, and Matt Helm wouldn't mind. Awful film." Steven H. Scheuer's Movies on TV and Videocassette (1993–1994 edition) had a barely higher opinion, allowing 1½ stars (out of 4) and dispatching it with the final line, "[T]ongue-in-cheek secret-agent stuff doesn't come off: a yawn."

The Motion Picture Guide assigned the film its lowest ranking of 1 star (out of 5), proclaiming that "[T]here is little to recommend in this secret-agent spoof" and pointing out that "[E]verything from the sloppy special effects to the irritating music radiates an uncanny cheapness. Dubbed in English."

Two specialized guidebooks arrive at a split vote. Michael Weldon's Psychotronic Encyclopedia of Film (1983 edition, page 407) agrees with the denigrators, giving it a plot outline that ends with the words, "[T]he worst Bond imitation known to man. With Terry-Thomas, Margaret Lee, Beverly Adams, Marilu Tolo, Nazi scientists, and Communist Chinese. Filmed in Rio De Janeiro. Connors did Mannix next." On the other hand, John Stanley's Creature Features The Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror Movie Guide (2000 edition) decided that "[A]lthough a pale copy of 007's exploits, it has a sparkle to its comedy, gorgeous women in figure-flattering wardrobes, and scenic action set against picturesque Rio." After describing the plot, Stanley concludes with, "Michael Connors walks somnambulistic through his role as super agent Kelly who has minipistols hidden in his clothing and is always eating bananas. A standout is Terry-Thomas as a chauffeur secret agent. Directed by Henry Levin and Dino Maiuri. Dorothy Provine portrays Connors' charming, sexy contact."

The sole British cinema compiler to acknowledge the film, Leslie Halliwell in his 1985 Film and Video Guide 5th edition, gave no stars (Halliwell's top rating is 4), dismissing it as a "[P]atchy James Bond spoof."

See also

• Outline of James Bond
• Eurospy

Bibliography

• Blake, Matt; Deal, David (2004). The Eurospy Guide. Baltimore: Luminary Press. ISBN 1-887664-52-1.

External links

• Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die at IMDb
• Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die at the American Film Institute Catalog
• Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die at the TCM Movie Database
• as Operazione Paradiso at AllMovie
• Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die at Rotten Tomatoes
• Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die at TV Guide (revised form of this 1987 write-up was originally published in The Motion Picture Guide)
• English language trailer on YouTube
• If All the Women in the World (Full Movie)